“You wouldn’t get it.” Why would I not?
These are four simple words that mean little apart and massive together. Their collective weight exponentially increases almost as if they would measure the depths of one’s emotions.
I’ve come across this expression a lot — When someone’s facing a few difficult situations and I ask them about it or When I’m dumb enough to understand a joke or when I demand an explanation for something puzzling me, and they’d reply to my requests with — “you wouldn’t get it.”
I am annoyed and driven to nuts when an old soul laughs at my seemingly stupid decisions. But when I confront them about it, they reply — “you wouldn’t get it” as they gaze deep into my soul and look away with a smile on their face. This makes me feel aggravated and question myself — “Why wouldn’t I get it? Will I ever though?”
I’ve tried so many times to overcome this issue of gaining experience in a shorter time frame but funnily enough, this defeats the whole purpose of gaining knowledge and seeking wisdom.
At the same time, I’m also confused by the empathy and sympathy expressed by people who clearly haven’t been there or done that. If that’s the case, why are we so attached to comfort words or emotions like these? Why is there a craving for sympathy, when all we need is some honest feedback on what it’s like to be in our shoes and to be understood, in a way?
But to be understood, we need to understand. And how do we do that?
It’s quite simple, honestly. My younger self, who’s presumably an absolute hedonist, would not bother about it and probably scoff at such situations. Frankly, “carefree is the way to go” would’ve been my motto. But my older self would be a bit more caring, kind, emotional, annoyed by the tiniest of cracks found in my routines and more attached to the idea of “passing down what has been learned”, right? Almost. Let’s agree to 90%, shall we?
It’s not a bad thing if we fake our understanding of someone’s pain, to be honest. If anything at all, it shows support and the feeling of being understood to the one struggling. That is all that matters. Usually, when someone feels understood, they feel the courage to grow and come out of it. They feel “listened to” and not only “heard”.
I notice we haven’t been listening lately, have we?
Alas to know and experience all the experiences known to mankind has been one of my deepest desires. What is it like to be in pain, to be heartbroken, to lose someone, to enjoy success, to savor the feeling of envy, to live the simplest life yet feel rich enough, and many more…? This only adds fire to my inadequacy to know it all at once. This indeed finds me vulnerable at most.
What if we miss out on a few “you wouldn’t get it” scenarios? Is it the end of our life? Not really, we’ll be fine.
Now, I realize the depth of “you wouldn’t get it”. It isn’t ONLY hurtful when you’re growing old and feeling left out. It isn’t ONLY hurtful when your favorite football team loses a match by one free kick. It isn’t ONLY hurtful when you work hard enough only to miss out by a tiny margin in the end.
It isn’t ONLY hurtful, but there exist layers that only the one experiencing it shall know. For we all are somehow unique and our experiences, though intertwined, are never the same.
Maybe this feeling of annoyance and urgency right now is the way to some laughter and patience later on. Maybe we pointlessly stress about it before we realize some meaningfulness afterward. Maybe wisdom is not free, and it comes at the cost of a few “you wouldn’t get it”.
Until then,
Thanks for reading!
