An Ode to my father.
My way of being late to Father's Day
I’ve started writing this post at exactly 11:11 PM on 16th June of 2024. After a long-faced standoff between me and my dad, I’ve decided to end this silent battle, this ‘cold war’.
How did I decide to end this battle? By wishing him “Happy Father’s Day” through an email and I’ll tell you why in the later parts of this post.
Before you start assuming things, let me tell you something about me, I’m an extremely confused individual who questions almost everything and gets annoyed at the smallest of issues.
I’m indeed what you’d call a ‘tenacious idiot’ or confoundingly inquisitive individual. Fancy words, right?
I’m yet to be a father so I don’t think I’ll be able to tell you what it feels like to be a father. But I’m a son, who’s noticed his father all his life until this very moment and I’ve learnt a thing or two on what it takes for a man to be a father.
My nuclear, working middle-class, family has always been the one to meet ends and be content with what we have. I don’t remember much about my childhood nor the initial years of struggle my parents faced to raise me and my brother. All I remember was my dad ensuring that we had what we needed, and we got the best of everything. Maybe that’s what dads do — To provide the best of everything to their kids.
I remember my parents fighting a lot over the things that didn’t matter and things that actually mattered. But my dad, being the calm one always found a way to simmer down the heat. He always says — “It is best to shut your mouth when people express their vulnerable emotions, listen to them instead.” Maybe that’s what dads do — No matter how difficult the conditions are, he finds a way to survive and move past it.
As years went by, from kindergarten to university, like every other kid, I went through various stages of maturity (I hope) and realized that a lot of emotions weren’t emotions but tantrums, and a lot of bottled-up stuff only led to self-destruction. Over the years I’ve seen my dad become more mature as well.
Now, he isn’t as tempered as he was, he isn’t active as he was, he sleeps more, etc. But his will to face whatever that may come has instilled those very same characteristics in me as well. Maybe that’s what dads do — To help build their sons and daughters into individuals of their own minds, to survive and not back down.
I’ve always let things come to me and I’ve rarely forced things to come my way, in life. But I learnt to fight for what I deserved, or I think I deserved from dad eventually. Maybe that’s what dads do — Embrace the ‘life coach’ badge and teach how to live life in general.
There is no such thing as a ‘perfect dad’ and even if there was one, it’d be quite the irony for imperfect beings like humans.
There is always more to being a dad, but like I mentioned I’m limited by my experiences. I’m yet to grow out of the need to celebrate days dedicated to certain roles, individuals or events in life. I’m yet to experience old age and experience my experiences (before wisdom arrives in an amazon package on my doorstep, you get it?).
To those who are yet to experience these lessons or have been neglected of these lessons, subscribe to “the how-to-dad show” for just $9.99 — I’m just kidding.
But make sure you pass on these lessons to someone who might call you — dada, Papa, Papá, Vader, Папа(Papa), Papà,お父さん (Otōsan), 아빠 (Appa), 爸爸 (Bàba) and many more.
As I realize that no one is always around and no role in life is insignificant, no matter how temporary it may be, it then becomes quite pointless to quarrel about trivial issues in life.
So, I decided to end the stand-off with my dad. I guess we all need to forgive each other at some point in life.
Before I go further down the memory lane and try to author my incomplete autobiography, I’ll have to take leave and explain the meaning of “inquisitive” to my parents, haha.
Happiest of Father’s Day to you, dad, and to all the dads out there.
I’d like to acknowledge a few writers whose posts I came across that helped me gain a deeper understanding —
“What does your stupid art even do for the world?” written by
helped me gain a different perspective on certain roles like — father, son, and husband. The way Nick Cave elaborates on what really mattered and how love defined his role as an artist. Finally, figuring out on “how-to-dad” in the moment is something Alex describes quite beautifully.“The Power of Giving & Getting Hugs” written by
, helped me gain a new perspective on the importance of hugs, and how acknowledging love with flowers or hugs can improve our social well-being, especially since dads are neglected of it.Posts like “The world will wait for you” by
, “A human kaleidoscope” by and many more have helped me learn to express my intrusive thoughts and be bold about it. Their style of writing has been my favorite to read these days.
being a dad seems tough... hopefully we're ready for it when it comes out way. great read.
Such a rich and beautiful read! Honoured to be included in it. Thank you so much 💕